by Sonja Hakala

Hey Uncle Dan,

When you were growing up with my Mom, did you drive her crazy? Did you ever make her want to tie you up with duct tape? 

Because I’m sitting here in my room with two rolls of tape just waiting for my dumb brother Wil to go to sleep so I can tape him to his bed and I want to know if Mom will remember how you used to drive her nuts so that when I do this, I stand a decent chance of getting away with it.

And it’s all because of this graduation dance thing. I know, I know, I’m a sophomore so I should be able to escape going. But Wil’s best friend, Dave Muzzy, asked me.

I really like Dave and he was nervous about asking me but when he finally did, it was sweet so I said yes even though I think I’ll look dumb in a long dress and I’ve always refused to even think about wearing high heels because they are the most ridiculous things ever invented.

(I really ran on with that sentence, didn’t I?)

Now I figured Dave would tell Wil about asking me. I also figured that Wil wouldn’t tease me too much because Dave and he are such good friends.

Wrong on both counts. Dave didn’t say a word, and the way Wil found out was hearing me ask Mom about finding a dress and shoes that won’t make me feel like a total doofus. Just as he walked in, I was joking with Mom about wearing high-heeled sneakers. Honestly, I didn’t know there was such a thing but Wil immediately went online to find all sorts of images for them and every five minutes—I swear this is true—he sends another picture to my phone. If he doesn’t quit, I’m going to tell Dave no.

Get back to me as soon as you can about whether you teased Mom when you were in high school and if you did, how did she get back at you.

Faye

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Hey Faye,

Me be a pain in your Mom’s backside? Nah. Never. I was an angel when I was a teenager.

But seriously, Wil’s going to get over this and you’ll all be fine. He and I talk from time to time like you and I do and I know he’s shaky about the idea of leaving Carding for college. So that’s part of his reaction.

I also think it’s something of a shock to find out that his “little” sister is getting attention from his best friend.

For that matter, I’d be willing to bet that your Mom and Dad feel the same way. Time slips by unnoticed until someone you’ve always thought of as a “little kid” is talking about wearing a long dress to a graduation dance.

But to the matter at hand, getting Wil to grow up a little. Is he going to the prom? Do you know if he’s asked someone? I wonder if his reaction to your invitation is that he either doesn’t have the guts to ask someone (which is awful but at least it’s a private awful) or asked someone and got turned down (which is much worse than not asking at all).

When I was Wil’s age, I was too shy to ask this really pretty girl, Barbara Morrison, to go out with me. She was very popular, and eventually went with our class president while I hemmed and hawed and finally didn’t ask anyone. Until the week before the dance when this girl named Marcia Weiss asked me to go with her. We’d been friends forever, always in the same homeroom, and we agreed just to go and have a good time without making a big deal out of it.

And you know what? I think we had a better time than anyone. We danced all night, went to a party afterward, and even kissed goodnight, just for “practice.”

I know that that story doesn’t help (though I am smiling about Marcia—I wonder where she is now). But could you nose around to see if Wil’s asked anyone? I know he comes across as a savvy guy but you girls are a terrifying lot. If he’s being shy, maybe you could help…in a loving, kind, sisterly way.

If that’s not it, duct tape his thumbs together while he’s asleep. Your Mom and Dad will understand.

Just a thought.

Love,

Uncle Dan

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Dear Uncle Dan,

I checked with anyone that Wil might have asked and as far as I can tell, he’s stuck in neutral just like you suspected.

I know he really likes my friend Suzanna, and I got the feeling she thought he was going to ask her and she’s kinda hurt that he hasn’t. Do you think I should encourage Wil to do that? Dad was noticing last night that Wil’s in one of his bossy moods which usually means something’s going on that he’s not talking about.

Gawd, why is this stuff so hard?

Love,

Faye

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Hey Faye,

Not sure you’d be the best person to get Wil off the mark. You’re the little sister and you’ve got a date so that might not be a good comparison.

Do you think Dave would speak up, maybe suggest that the four of you go together? That might take some of the pressure off.

And this stuff is hard because you’re learning and because we all want to be liked and asking someone to a dance is a bit of a big deal.

Love,

Uncle Dan

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Hey Uncle Dan,

There’s been a breakthrough!!! Dave talked to Wil in kinda general terms about the dance, about taking me and so on, and Wil owned up that he’s working on asking Suzanna. But I’m worried he’s going to wait too long so I’ve asked Suzanna over for supper and homework tonight. Dave’s coming too.

If this doesn’t work, I am going to tape Wil’s thumbs together. Do you know he’s sent me almost fifty pictures of high-heeled sneakers? 

The problem is, some of them are kinda cute! Now what do I do?

Love,

Faye

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Hey Faye,

I’m drawing the line at shoe advice. I just can’t go there.

But let me know what happens with Wil.

Uncle Dan

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Dear Uncle Dan,

He asked. We’re all going together. And I just ordered a cool pair of boots with a little heel. Dave’s six-foot-one and Wil pointed out that I didn’t want to look like a midget.

Thanks for listening.

Love ya,

Faye

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The Carding Chronicles are short stories written by author Sonja Hakala about the Vermont town that no one can quite find on a map. They feature the characters in the four Carding novels.

The Carding books are available from Amazon and the Chronicles appear here, on this website, every Monday. Hope to see you next week.